food for thought

this post is a bit long and somewhat scattered. but if you dare, i hope you'll read it. of those who do, i know you'll have interesting insights and i'd love feedback. 

. . .

do you ever feel like you just need to write? like there's something going on in your heart and youre not even sure what it is... but maybe.... maybe if you start writing, it'll evolve itself onto paper (or in this case a computer screen) hoping you might process better? that's where i'm at right now. 

we had a show here in oklahoma city last night. as with most nights of this tour, world vision sent me volunteers who live nearby to come help with the show. through it - i met two amazing women who are each presently staring straight into the face of painful circumstances.  after they listened to don's message, they came back to talk with me and shared how impacted they were by it. 

something don talks about is how conflict isn't always a sign that we're doing something wrong. of course certain things have natural consequences, but his point is that you cant make a blanket statement assuming that as christians we're not "supposed" to be experiencing conflict. on the contrary, God often allows/puts conflict in our lives for the purpose of refining us more into the people He wants us to become. (for the record, i'd add, there's a difference between evil and conflict. and while evil translates as conflict, not all conflict translates as evil. this being said, i do not believe God authors evil. but that's an entirely different conversation.)

back to the belief that conflict is not always a sign of our own shortcomings. these girls were both overwhelmed by this idea. and my heart broke listening to the agony they've gone through in their lives questioning what went wrong. how has the church failed christians? well if ever there was a loaded question . . . but seriously, how could we so miss the point that we create these internal sufferings in people by suggesting their external sufferings are their own fault? 

we have today off, and the two girls i met last night took susan & me around the city. we stopped at the oklahoma city memorial. they reminded me the bombing happened 6 years before 9/11, making it one of the first major hits to U.S. soil our nation had experienced. that was a sobering thought at first. it still is, but it has since grown into a reminder of how far removed we, as americans, are from the rest of the human population who have known such tragedies in their own backyards all too well. furthermore, how our inability to relate to them prevents us from getting our own hands, feet, and bank accounts dirty on their behalf. and this brings me to another frustration with the church. 

i have been going to church since i was 2. it was the same year the war in northern uganda began. a war that continues to rage on as i type t-h-i-s sentence. but i NEVER knew about that war until i was 20. 

i learned of the holocaust many times over, an atrocity that had happened 50 years prior to my existence. something i reckon our western churches were talking about during it's lifespan, as we were unavoidably brought into that ugly piece of story while many american soldiers played their heroic parts. and rightfully so. we should've been talking about it. then again, it was harder to ignore. our fellow americans were deeply involved.

but the war in northern uganda... a war of child soldiers. children kidnapped by rebels and forced to fight. children who are beaten, mutilated, raped, drugged, brainwashed and forced to commit atrocities, often including crimes against their own families. have you ever heard of a more disturbing reality? a war causing nearly 2 million people to be displaced, of which 1,000 die every day in these camps. diseases are running rampant. deaths are at conservative estimates in the tens of thousands. millions are horribly suffering the ramifications of this war. not thousands. millions. numbers so big we cannot possibly comprehend them. genocide in it's more disgusting form. indisputably, a modern day holocaust. and somehow, i made it through 12 years of private christian education, 18 years of sunday school and sermons, mission trips to mexico and south america, multiple summer and winter camps, christian retreats, christian softball leagues, christian choirs and bible studies

and NEVER,

not once, 

was this talked about.

this raises many questions. given our obvious history of significant involvement in WWII, it's not that the church isn't concerned or aware of when evil is operating at full force. but how did 18 years go by in my life without the church waking me up to this heart wrenching cry? it partly raises the question that could potentially be a hot topic for all sorts of current political issues, but i'm gonna ask it anyway. is the church's allegiance to americans or to our brothers and sisters throughout the globe? 

or (take a deep breath for this question) is it too much of a leap for me to wonder if the power pastors at the top of the evangelical hierarchy thought such extreme examples of conflict were an indication of the countries deserved consequences that they kept from committing their congregations to evoking radical change?  maybe this will label me as a conspiracy theorist. i could be wrong. in fact, i hope i'm wrong. but regardless the reason american christianity never clued me in, i'm still maddened by the results. i feel failed. and worse yet, i feel the human race undergoing these severe atrocities are far more tragically failed by the church. 

i'll take responsibility for not looking outside my own bubble and into the newspapers for hints of what was taking place outside of christian conferences or sunny california. but there's still a part of me, i'd argue a rational part of me, that is angry the church never popped this bubble for me. or for the millions of others stuck inside it. instead we just marched along trying to be "better" christians, focusing on how to improve OURSELVES every sunday, rather than our neighbor. even the idea of mission never resonated with me the way i believe God intended it to. going to mexico on church sponsored trips served my own benefit of feeling like a more accomplished christian, instead of teaching me how to serve the benefit of others. sure, serving the people of mexico still happened, but i hate to admit, i think it was a byproduct. at least for me. 

i have to wonder what Christ thinks of the church. how we represent him to the rest of the world. to each other. 

this problem i experienced of never hearing about such knee jerking realties isn't as prevalent today. as you've probably noticed, awareness has recently become trendy - thanks to celebrities and churches alike. may we fight the trendy appeal to join a cause or spread the news or wear a flashy bracelet to make ourselves look good. 

As Sean Carasso of Falling Whistles said, 

"The fad of fashion activism will pass like all fashion passes and then you'll be left staring at your passion the same way you stare at your old denim, asking - did i really wear that? 

Stand up and protest because it is, very simply put, right."

may we seek actual change by taking action. 

may the church teach the world the heart of Jesus for the weak, poor, voiceless and broken, 

by speaking on their behalf, 

by giving sacrificially of ourselves, 

and by loving people in a way that risks our comfortable american christian lives for the sake of seeing God's kingdom advanced on earth.

may we help make a dent in the conflict of others by diving into the thick of it ourselves. 

let us not love in words or tongue, but in action and in truth. 

1.john.3.18