hope of heaven

dreams are a strange thing.

i dreamt last night that jen & i were on our way to balboa island to stay with my grandparents. as we pulled up to park just behind their house, my grandma came outside to greet us. about the same time, a dog jumped up on me to say hello and i realized it was my old dog popcorn. he was jumping around & excited to see me, and i was thrilled they were taking good care of him. 

that's all i remember from my dream. but i woke up with an aching feeling in my heart. 

both of my grandparents have been moved out of their home for almost 3 years now. my grandma's alzheimer's is in it's final stages, and most days she spends sitting in her wheel chair staring outside. my grandpa's quick wit and envied wisdom is growing cloudy. his physical health is a daily battle. nothing life threatening - just the things that rob a man of his independence and dignity. 

popcorn died 5 years ago. he was my dog since i was 6. until i moved college, he slept on my bed every night. he added laughter and joy to my family for 14 years. it was terrible saying goodbye. 

my dog never lived with my grandparents. but in my dream, i didnt question it. i just enjoyed it. a healthy dog and my healthy grandparents - living and loving. 

life changes. and sometimes i think that reality grows increasingly harder to accept. 

i long for the comfort i once had curled up on the couch next to my grandpa while he read the newspaper and simultaneously watched the USC football game.  i long for the thoughtful ways my grandma always cared for those she loved. when i lived with them in college, she would sneak in my room and do my laundry, make my bed, and leave me something good to eat in the fridge for when i came home late. she had the heart of a servant and never even thought twice about it. my grandpa was always my first phone call after i learned something fascinating in class or had a tough question or when i just wanted to chat. his insight and wisdom always perplexed and amazed me. i used to dream of marrying a man who could impress me half as much as my grandfather did. i still do. 

the hope of heaven is a powerful thing. it is the only reason i can think of to not live in the past. . . at least as it concerns my sweet grandma & grandpa. knowing their final destination reminds me to be thankful for the past, but to live in the present and cherish the time we have left together. 

it overwhelms me to think that sometime soon, they will meet their Maker. face to face. they will no longer be confined to the failing bodies they're still stuck in. they will recognize the Lord when they see Him and He will recognize them as He has known them all their lives. 

i already mourn the loss of the last 3 years as their health continues to digress. my heart hurts at the mere thought of what life will be like when they are completely gone. but i am confident this hope does not disappoint.